New Light, New Life ID

I’ve been really depressed lately. Kana-chan is getting really tired of it.

I have been thinking of doing things that I would regret, “stupid things” as Tom would call them.

I know what’s wrong with me, and what’s going on when I think things, I just don’t and can’t admit them.

I’m really scared in starting life over. I’m going to look more positive.

But, it’s weird thinking those things when negativity is all that you know.

It’s pretty damn hard for you to fall down a second time if you never got up from the first. That’s how I feel. That’s how I’ve lived my life. 18 ½ years.

It’s just been looking on the negative side, the dark side just so I wouldn’t get my hopes up and risk falling down hard again.

I don’t like being hurt. Because when I get hurt from falling, I tend to think “stupid things” and think of carrying those thoughts out.

Both sides are terrifying. And I’m walking the line between them.

I need to talk to niisan about this...